I wish to be loved. Is it really so hard to have that? Everybody keep's telling me not to think negatively and all the usual reasons on why I shouldn't feel this way. But in all honestly for me, there is nothing else to feel other than this dreadful feeling of wanting to be properly loved. 

Although I lived in a fairly well household, I really didn't have any friends around me when I was young and my parents weren't really on the same frequency as me. I was always the black sheep, both in the family and in school. No one really wanted to talk to me. I wasn't shy or anything, in fact I was a loud kid, but they just didn't like to be around me. I don't remember any time at that point in my life where I was asked to come join something or anything at all, and that just cascaded as I grew older.

Now, at that point, I felt like I didn't know how to act---I didn't know how to talk, interact, socialize like a normal human being. And I slowly started viewing myself as something less. 

But that's always the usual story, blaming other people for your own isolation. I hate myself through and through.